


and these little things define you forever, forever

by silpium



Series: inktober 2019 [17]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Career Ending Injuries, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22755934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silpium/pseuds/silpium
Summary: Some days are better than others. Some days, it hurts more than Hinata could imagine to see his team playing volleyball right before him, laughing, enjoying it. It’s torturously tantalizing. But trying and failing—having his knee buckle under him and having that confirmation that he can’t even reach their level, much less the level he was at in high school—would hurt worst of all, so he compartmentalizes that thought and never lets it see the light of day.Other days, it sends shivers up and down his spine. The team’s energy thrumming through him, yellingone touch!from the sidelines and being just as immersed in the game as the players, laughing and crying alongside them with every win and loss—it is almost just as good as playing in the game himself, has to be just as good, because this is the closest he will be ever again.Or: sometimes, the future doesn't go as it should. Sometimes, that's the most painful thing of all.
Relationships: Background Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: inktober 2019 [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507019
Comments: 1
Kudos: 53





	and these little things define you forever, forever

**Author's Note:**

> for inktober day #17, "ornament."
> 
> there is a subtle reference to a car accident in this fic as the cause of hinata's injury, just so you're aware!

Hinata often wakes up in the middle of the night gasping in pain and clutching at his knee. Even though Kageyama is a heavy sleeper, he always tries to choke back the heaving breaths, tries to stay as still as possible.

Kageyama tends to wake up anyway. Hinata isn’t sure how he always seems to know when it’s a bad night. Even through the guilt, he’s grateful, because Kageyama’s hand on his back and his voice in Hinata’s ear are soothing, grounding. “I’ve got you, Shouyou,” he says, rubbing circles on Hinata’s back. “You’re okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

It passes. It always does, eventually. But then again—it always comes back.

/ * \

Hinata fills up the hours lost from not being able to play volleyball anymore by getting a part-time job as the volleyball team’s coach at the nearby high school. People remember him from the glory days of Karasuno and are quick to open doors for him.

Some days are better than others. Some days, it hurts more than he could imagine to see his team playing volleyball right before him, laughing, enjoying it. It’s torturously tantalizing. But trying and failing—having his knee buckle under him and having that confirmation that he can’t even reach their level, much less the level he was at in high school—would hurt worst of all, so he compartmentalizes that thought and never lets it see the light of day. 

Other days, it sends shivers up and down his spine. The team’s energy thrumming through him, yelling _one touch!_ from the sidelines and being just as immersed in the game as the players, laughing and crying alongside them with every win and loss—it is almost just as good as playing in the game himself, has to be just as good, because this is the closest he will be ever again.

/ * \

“You could’ve gone pro if you hadn’t let me hold you back. You could still make it if you started catching up now, you know.”

It’s a conversation they’ve had many, many times. And no matter how Hinata frames it, Kageyama’s reply never changes: “The promise was to make it to the top of the world together. Both of us. I’m not leaving you behind like that, idiot.”

/ * \

Hinata dreams, still, of playing in the Olympics. He dreams of the lights shining down hot and bright on him, of the deafening screams of the crowd, the impact of the ball on his wrists. He dreams of the miraculous oneness being on a team brings, of being in-sync with Kageyama with every toss, of jumping for a perfect spike, of sudden, sharp, scalding pain radiating from his knee all throughout his leg, of falling onto the gymnasium floor as all eyes turn towards him—

Hinata wakes up in the middle of the night, gasping for breath, tears pricking at his eyes as he holds his knee close to his chest. Kageyama is asleep beside him, breaths soft and even. He doesn’t wake up this time. And for all that Kageyama wants to help, ultimately, Hinata has to carry this pain—this burden—alone.

/ * \

Some days, the pain is so bad that Hinata can’t get out of bed and doesn’t want to in the first place. Some days, Hinata is able to drag himself out of bed, but only that. Some days, Hinata is able to do everything he should be able to do—all the everyday tasks and getting around—now that he’s finished physical therapy.

Nothing is ever quite the same, though. The phantom ache is always there; the yearning for the past is always there; and he can’t help the rush of fear that goes through him every time he gets into a car and _remembers_. 

Nothing is ever quite the same, and Hinata hates it ‘till his blood is fire in his veins. 

“You’ll waste your future like that,” Kageyama tells him. At first, Hinata seethes, more enraged than he’s ever been with Kageyama, because how _dare_ he? How dare Kageyama tell him how he should feel when Kageyama has no idea what he’s going through?

But the thought stays with him, cropping up each and every time he wakes up in the night until he has to mull it over. Why did that make him so angry? Is he angry because of what Kageyama said or because it hit too close to home? 

And, eventually, he realizes that Kageyama is right: it’s become exhausting, living day to day in regret and anger. The accident may have taken away his painstakingly-constructed plans for the future, but only that—he still has a future, still has the ability to craft a new plan with his own two hands. He can’t let it take that away, too.

So he doesn’t. Slowly but surely, even though it hurts with a whole-body pain, he takes that first step—and faces towards the future instead.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading! comments, kudos, and concrit are all super appreciated! feel free to hmu on twitter [@hhatsunetsu](https://twitter.com/hhatsunetsu)! i would love to chat with you ;v; have a great day and thanks again for reading!!


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